And so, it's time for yet another one of those emo journals. Don't care? Then don't read.


...Don't say I didn't warn you...


----------

My stupid thoughts and emotions keep sending me on a rollercoaster ride. One day I think I'm fine, just to get thrown into the abyss the day after. I hate feeling like this, but I don't know how to get out of it. I should be mature enough to handle things, but my mind won't let me. There's always that voice in the back of my head whispering "you're no good at anything, so stop trying"...

I mean, I'm 28, and what have I done with my life? What have I achieved? Nothing. I feel like I have no real purpose being here. I have no self-confidence. Everything I do gets messed up. I'm scared of making a fool out of myself, and yet that is all I seem to do. I'm scared to pursue the only thing in my life that matters somewhat - art, and yet many days I just want to quit drawing alltogether, because whatever I draw comes out looking like my cat ate it and spit it out.

I'm constantly stressed out because when I do one thing, I feel like I should be doing another. Like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle (no preaching about God being the missing piece please, I'm *not* in the mood). I can hardly sleep, I just end up waking up several times at night with my heart racing, and my mind going "you shouldn't be sleeping now! There's something you need to be doing". But I have no idea what that thing is. It's like I'm being chased when there's nothing there to chase me... ...Reading that back, I sound like a crazy person...

Sometimes I find myself (especially when commenting here, actually), to at first act like what you would call "normal" I guess, and at the next moment add a really odd comment, that make people go: And when I re-read what's been said a day or so after, I truly wonder what the hell I was thinking... So, to get something's that's been adding to my stress for quite a while, and in fear of posting more stupid comments, I'm deleting everything in my message center. If I'm missing out on something you feel is important, poke me. Do not count on me replying, though. Oh, and I don't wanna deal with the Neonar registrations right now (have neglected them for quite some time, to be honest). Maybe I'll regret saying this later, but; do whatever you feel with them, right now I don't really care.




_{The stupid Mood journal thingy's acting up again...}